


High up above or down below

by Crimson Amongst Pearls (AriannaGrace)



Series: Above and Beyond [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Feels, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 02:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3470996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriannaGrace/pseuds/Crimson%20Amongst%20Pearls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong>Felicity</strong>: (<em>f.</em>) English given name; <em>happiness</em>. Derived from Latin word <em>felicitas</em>; luck, good fortune.</p><p><strong>22/4/2017</strong> Currently under revision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I will be your scarecrow

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So, here's the next part of Above and Beyond. It's technically set 6 months after the mid season finale. So it's really the first in the series. But, I can't write chronologically, apparently! But anyways, I'm so glad you're reading this!
> 
> All I can say, is that this isn't a happy story. It deals with dark themes, and there's not a lot of fluff. This is going to be a longer fic, spanning a few months of story-time.
> 
> This work is un-beta'd, so any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated! (And if anyone wants to volunteer to be a beta, I'd love you forever.)

Felicity hurt. Not just physically, but emotionally. Six months ago, Oliver left to fight Ra’s al Ghul to save his sister, to protect her. Six months ago, Oliver Queen died. Six months ago, Nyssa came to the Foundry with Oliver’s things, offering her condolences and the tale of Oliver’s bravery. She told them he died honourably, and the debt was paid. She told them that her father was satisfied.

Six months ago, Felicity’s world shattered.

And in those six months, hell reined their lives. They fought as hard as they could, days and weeks fighting the filth of Starling. But it was taking its toll. Digg was away from Sara for too long, missing milestones in his daughter’s life. Roy was falling behind in his duties at Verdant. And Felicity… she was spiralling into a dark place, dark enough to miss Digg pulling away, dark enough to miss the tell-tale signs of Roy falling into the drugs and alcohol, dark enough to miss being alive.

She missed Oliver, missed the thrill of the chase, missed the soft touches and the overprotective nature. She missed the sounds of his exercising, and the smell of sweat. She missed it all, and it was taking its toll.

Digg and Roy missed the signs of her spiral, seeing only their own troubles. Roy came to work stoned or drunk more often than not, and Digg was… he was resentful. And then Laurel decided to join, and Roy and Digg had to focus on training her, and no one had time for Felicity. And then Captain Lance, a man who once was like a father to her, caring about her and wanting to see her safe, found out about Team Arrow, and he blamed her and Laurel and drew away, trying to understand, trying to gain perspective.

Slowly, she stopped answering their calls, stopped talking to her mom, her friends. She stopped going out, stopped eating. Felicity Smoak was hurting, and no one saw.

Six months ago, Felicity watched Oliver walk away from her, and it broke her.

Today, today was Felicity trying to fix that hurt. She decided the Foundry, the place where it all began, would be the place where it all ended. With slow movements, she pulled Oliver’s hood from its place, clutching it in her hands. She took another few steps and an unfinished arrow was in her grasp, its tip sharp, but with only a partial shaft. It would be enough, she thought.

She walked to the bed she’d gotten Oliver, laying down on it, the cloth and arrow in her grasp. Tears fell as she cried silently, her whole body shuddering with her silent sobs. And then she took the arrow, placing it above her heart, and pushing in, holding back a cry of pain.


	2. Watch the fires rise under my skin

Roy was suffering in his own way, the addiction almost too much for him to bear. His little apartment in the Glades was a dangerous place for him, filled with memories and temptation. But he had nowhere else to go, except the Foundry, surrounding himself with the knowledge that he wasn’t good enough, that he wasn’t Oliver, he could never measure up.

But tonight, he needed out of his apartment, out of the temptation, out of everything.  So, he made his way to Verdant, wanting to beat a dummy or shoot some tennis balls. He just needed to… do something.

Almost automatically, Roy typed in the code to the Foundry, opening the door, and descending into the dark. He flipped the light switch, bringing the space into bright focus. His eyes swept the room, noticing almost immediately that Oliver’s hood was missing, and his body went on alert. Walking quietly, he searched the foundry, noticing that there was a figure on the bed Felicity had bought Oliver months ago.

He walked towards the person, grabbing a dagger just in case. And then he saw blonde hair, and he called out to her. “Felicity?”

But the blonde didn’t turn to him, and she was still, and Roy knew that something was very wrong. He walked towards her, trying to get her to respond to him, but she wasn’t, and it wasn’t until he was right next to her did he see the stain of red spreading across the sheets.

“Felicity!” He called, tone frantic as he rolled her from her side to her back, gaping at the arrow in her chest. It scared him even more when he noticed her chest barely moving, her hands tightly holding the now stained hood Oliver wore. A moment of panic, and he pulled out his phone, blood-slicked fingers slipping as he dialled the only person who could help, the Captain. He sobbed in relief when the older man answered with a gruff “Harper?”

It took a moment before Roy could answer, the words caught in his throat. "Help. Please. Help.... Felicity....." It was all he could manage, one hand holding his phone to his ear, the other trying to stop the bleeding, trying to do something to help her live, but knowing that it was hopeless.

The reply was sharp, snapping Roy back into focus. "What happened, Harper?"

The tone helped Roy to focus on what was happening, allowed him to bite back the panic. "She's bleeding. It's bad. She's barely breathing. She shoved an arrow into her chest."

Lance inhaled sharply, the only audible reaction. He kept his voice level, "Where? I'm sending help. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Foundry."

A sigh, this time, and Lance replied, "Get her upstairs. Put pressure on the wound, but don't pull out the arrow. Help is on the way. And so am I."

And Roy let the phone slip from his fingers, clattering on the ground as he scooped up the dying blonde, dashing up the stairs, quietly pleading for her to hold on, for her to stay with him just a few more minutes, because help was coming. He begged her to live, begged her to keep breathing because he didn't know what to do without her.

And then there were sirens and people bursting into the club, and there were lights and too many people talking, and finally there was Lance, his eyes wide as he surveyed the scene and directed people. He took Roy, pulled him to the side and offered him a towel, to clean the blood from his hands. "What happened, kid?"

Roy just shook his head. He didn’t know. All he knew was that he'd showed up, and she was dying, and it was his fault, because he hadn't noticed that she was hurting.

But Lance disagreed, “It’s not your fault, kid. There’s got to be a reason. But right now, we have to get her to the hospital. The paramedics will take care of her."

And they turned to watch the flurry of activity, several medics treating the blonde woman. And then they were loading her into an ambulance, sirens loud as they sped away to the hospital.

Lance and Roy took Lance's car, following at a safe distance, silence reigning. Neither knew what to say, so they said nothing. Roy still held the towel, trying to rub off the crimson staining his arms and shirt, Lance trying not to notice just how much blood there was. It was when they were almost there that Roy finally broke the silence, his voice cracking as he tried to find the words. "I was selfish. I didn't pay attention to her hurting. And then she does this... she stabbed herself with one of his arrows... why didn't I see it sooner?"

The older man had no words, on response that would make anything better. "No one noticed. We were all so wrapped up in our own grief, that we forgot to notice others'."

And then he pulled into the hospital parking lot, easily finding a place to park, and turning the engine off, Roy already out of the car, running towards the ER doors. Lance followed, hoping that his status at Captain would allow them answers, because neither were family.

 

But all they were able to get was generic, "We don't know right now," or "She's in surgery." It was frustrating, to say the least. They were told to wait in the surgery waiting room, a smaller room with comfortable chairs. Lance sat, but Roy was unable to, pacing the length of the room, anxious energy making his movements jerky. He needed a drink or five. He needed a joint or something, something to calm him down, but he knew that he needed to be strong for Felicity, he needed to stay sober. About half an hour into their wait, Roy spoke, breaking the heavy silence. "We need to tell Digg. And her mom. Her mom will want to be here." He went to pull out his phone, but remembered it was on the floor of the foundry, slicked with Felicity's blood.

Lance notices Roy's fumbling, and stood up, pulling out his own phone. "Let me. I'll make the calls." And then he slipped away, dialling the first number to come to mind. Laurel.

He spoke quietly with his daughter, telling her everything he knew, and elicited a promise from her to clean up the foundry and the club, to which she easily agreed. It was something she could do, rather than feel helpless. And then he called John Diggle, repeating the same information he had told Laurel, and Diggle responded with a promise to meet them at the hospital, and to help Laurel with the foundry.

And then it came to the hardest call, Felicity's mother. Donna Smoak. Out of the entire evening, this was the one thing he wished he could pass off to someone else. No one wanted to hear that their child was currently fighting for their life in surgery. It took several attempts to dial the number, to hold the phone to his ear. And then he was unable to hold back the tears as he told the strong woman what had happened and listened to her fall apart. He listened as she cried, harsh broken sobs, before she pulled herself together, making her own promise to arrive as soon as she could, thanking Lance for his consideration.

And then she hung up, leaving Lance with tears sliding down his face. And he turned back to go into the waiting room, wondering where the hell everything went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Title came from The Brothers Bright's _Blood on my Name_  
>  Fic soundtrack can be found [here](http://open.spotify.com/user/1247874714/playlist/4YefxgU3bCBjduskXLKx9o)
> 
> Leave comments, and let me know what you think!


	3. And that haunted me, all the way home

Felicity was in surgery for several hours. First, they needed to remove the arrow without causing any more damage, then came repairing all the damage. Felicity's heart stopped a total of four times, the trauma too much for her body to handle. Twice before they began to repair the torn pericardium, and twice during the repair. Many hours of surgery and many pints of blood later, and Felicity was alive, if only just barely.

And then they wheeled her to the ICU, attaching her to a variety of monitors and IVs, each one with a specific purpose, each one giving her the best chance it could. 

And as she was headed to ICU, a doctor came out to the waiting room, looking at the assembled group with tired eyes. "She's alive."

The statement was enough to have Roy sinking into a chair in relief, Lance and Diggle each putting a hand on one of his shoulders. It was enough to give them hope throughout the doctor's little speech, his explanation of the trauma and the damage that had been done. Roy crumpled when he told them that he heart had stopped, that the next 24 hours were the most important, that it was up to her now.

If she made it through the night, she had a chance.

 

And then they were allowed to see her, granted it was through a glass wall, but they were able to see her. Roy sagged against Digg, wondering how they didn’t notice that Felicity needed them. There were tubes and wires and this wasn’t their Felicity. This was a shell of the Felicity they had known.

Diggle just stood there, holding Roy’s weight, and silently chastising himself. He should have seen. He was the soldier, trained to see what others didn’t. He was the older brother, the protector. He was supposed to take care of her. And he failed, choosing his daughter and wife over his sister. Because that’s what she was, his sister. They’d been through too much to just be friends.

And Lance… he pressed his hand against the glass, his heart breaking as he wondered if he was losing another one of his girls. Sara was already gone, he’d almost lost Laurel, and now he was losing Felicity. When would it end?

After watching machines breathe for her, Lance took his leave, needed to get back to the station, to tell Laurel and figure out where to go from there.

Digg left an hour or so later, needing to go home to Sara and Lyla, which left Roy standing vigil for the little blonde who’d stood so strong for so long. And he stood there, keeping watch, even if he wasn’t able to touch her, or be closer to her, someone needed to be there for her, because they’d failed so spectacularly before. And if anything was a sobering experience, this was it. This was what was going to make Roy get his head out of the sand and stop with the drugs and alcohol. He needed to man up, and take responsibility, because Oliver had it right. If Felicity showed weakness, than no one else would have grieved.

Doctors and nurses passed him, not telling him to leave, but not saying anything.

Through the night, Roy watched, watched as her heart stopped once more, watched as they fought to keep her alive, watched and prayed to a god he didn’t believe in that Felicity would live. And then Digg showed up, and Roy left, making his way to his apartment to change out of the clothes still crusted with her blood, determined to burn them as soon as he could.

He started walking, aimlessly wandering through the streets he knew well, remembering Felicity’s voice guiding him, whispering directions into his ear. And his feet took him to a small chapel, a pretty building of stone and mortar, so out of place in the city of ruin. And Roy walked inside, the serenity inside the small building nearly bringing him to his knees. He slid into a pew in the back of the church, looking up at the wooden cross hanging above the altar. His thoughts drifted to the memory of Felicity lying there, silent when she should have been babbling, still when she should have fidgeted. And he didn’t notice he was crying until the tears dripped onto his hands.

“Please,” he whispered, looking at that cross, begging whatever Gods there may be, “Please let her live. She’s so good, so pure. Take me, but please, let her live. Please.”

He sat there for hours, just… hoping, praying, wishing. He sat there, not seeing anything but the memories his brain decided were important. Finally, a minister walked to him, sombre and with a small smile.

“What ails you, my son?” He asked, sitting next to Roy in the pew.

Roy turned to the white haired man, his whole expression broken. “My friend… she tried to kill herself. And we don’t know if she’s going to survive. And I need her. I can’t… I can’t do this without her. She means so much to me.”

The minister rested his hand on Roy’s shoulder, “My son, our Heavenly Father only gives us challenges we are strong enough to come through, and we are stronger for them. I have faith that your friend, no matter the outcome, will find peace. And you, you shall either tell her how much she means to you, or you shall live your life in honour of her.”

“How do I live without her? She’s… she helped save my life. I want to be better for her. Why would any God do this to her? To me? She’s lost so much, why does she have to lose her life?”

The minister just shook his head, “We don’t always see what the full plan is, my son. The best we can do is pray and have faith.”

Roy just looked down, “How?”

“I will pray with you.” And he knelt down on the kneeler, bowing his head and folding his hands together. “Heavenly Father, we pray for your son and daughter, your son for guidance and comfort in this difficult time. We pray he might understand and be comforted by your love. For your daughter, we pray for strength, for healing, for love. We pray for the doctors, to guide them to the best treatment, for the nurses to watch diligently over your daughter. We pray for your comfort, for your love. We pray for all this, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, amen.”

Roy had bowed his head, listening to the prayer, offering up his own silent plea, murmuring a soft “Amen,” when the minister did.

“Thank you,” he whispered, before leaving the little stone building, feeling more optimistic than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Kanye West's _Love Lockdown_ (Cover by Pentatonix)  
>  Playlist can be found [here](http://open.spotify.com/user/1247874714/playlist/4YefxgU3bCBjduskXLKx9o)


	4. I promised I would never leave you

John Diggle was confused.  Felicity was someone strong, someone who kept everyone in line, even Oliver Queen. Yet here she was, thin and frail and attached to more machines then they had in the Foundry. She was hurting, and John didn’t know how he’d missed it.

When he’d gotten the call from Lance, he’d almost dropped Sara. He’d promised to arrive as soon as he could, and when he’d hung up, he’d called Lyla, begging her to come home, because he needed her. And she'd come home, and he'd been sitting on the floor in Sara’s nursery, head in his hands, crying.

“What is it?” She’d asked him, eyes wide, kneeling in front of him.

“Felicity. She… she’s in the hospital.”

Lyla gasped, the girl having wormed her way into the woman’s heart. “Is she okay? What happened?”

Digg had shaken his head, “I don't know. Lance said she's in surgery, that she tried to kill herself. They don't know if she's going to be okay.”

“Go,” she'd told him, hand resting on his cheek. “Go be there for her, she needs you.”

And John Diggle had left his home, racing to the hospital and searching for the captain.

“Lance! How is she?”

Lance just looked at Diggle, his eyes sad, “Still no word. She's still in surgery. They don't... they don't know if she'll make it."

Diggle sighed, his heart breaking in two. How had he not seen how much pain she'd been in? He looked over at Roy, the boy curled up on one of the chairs, looking out the window, completely ignoring the world around him. Digg slowly walked over to him, for the first time in years nauseated at the sight of blood. There was so much on him, large stains of crimson on his clothes. Digg softly called out to Roy, trying not to startle him too much.

Roy turned to him, his eyes full of guilt and pain. He felt so responsible for everything, and it was weighing on him. "She has to make it," he croaked, tears falling, "She has to."

Digg just nodded, sitting down next to him. “She’s strong,” he said, resting a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

And then they waited, Diggle nervous and scared and constantly checking his phone, waiting for something to happen. Heavens above, he hated the waiting.

Then they were allowed to see her, and he realised just how small Felicity really was. Even standing on the other side of the glass, he felt enormous, and it scared him.  He left, walking out of the hospital, leaving Roy behind to watch over their girl.

He drove home, falling into Lyla’s arms. “She’s so small,” he whispered, breaking down in his wife’s arms. “They don’t know if she’ll make it through the night. How did we miss this? She stabbed an arrow through her chest!”

Lyla just held the bodyguard close, offering what comfort she could. She felt awful for the little team left broken by Oliver’s death, and knew that this would shatter them if Felicity didn’t make it. After nearly an hour, John was asleep, head resting on Lyla’s lap as she sat against the headboard of their bed.

He woke up eight hours later, feeling even worse than when he fell asleep. “I have to go back to the hospital,” he said, voice thick with emotion. “Roy… he’s probably still there, I don’t know if he’s changed… someone needs to be there.”

And he showered, dressed, kissed Sara, and left, arriving at the hospital not long after. Felicity was in the same room, still attached to tubes and wires, and Roy was watching over her. Digg looked at his face, drawn and tired, and he rested his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. “How is she?”

Roy turned to him, “Her heart stopped once,” he rasped, voice harsh with the remnants of screaming and crying and disuse. “But she’s alive. She hasn’t woken up, though.” His eyes were red as he turned back to look through the window. “They’re taking her in for scans soon; they want to see if they missed anything.”

Diggle nodded, “I’ll stay here. You go home, get some sleep, take a shower. You need to take care of yourself if we have any hope of taking care of her.”

And the younger man nodded, shuffling out, and Diggle watched him go, before turning back to look at Felicity. “Wake up, girl,” he murmured, placing a hand against the glass. And then he left, looking for a doctor or a nurse, so he could talk to them.

A nurse finally had answers, explaining that Felicity's heart stopping was worrisome, and that they had no idea how much brain damage there might be. And then she told him that it was all up to Felicity. She had to want to live, she had to fight, or else no medicine in the world could save her.

And that scared him more than anything. “When can we sit with her?”

The nurse just smiled sadly, “Once she's a bit more stable. If she does well today, then she can have visitors tomorrow."

Diggle nodded, understanding. He wasn’t going to press. “Can we stand outside? We can’t leave her alone.”

“Of course, so long as you stay out of our way. And only until visiting hours are over.” And then she left, off to care for her next patient.

So Digg walked back to Felicity’s room, looking at her, and waiting. He watched as a machine breathed for her, watched as another machine measured her heartbeat, watched the machines that proved that she was still alive. An hour later, Lyla arrived, carrying their daughter in her arms. She passed the baby to him, letting him take comfort from the innocence of the baby.

Diggle held Sara close, whispering into her hair. “I don’t know what to do, baby girl. Your Auntie Felicity needs to get better. We need her.” And he held her, letting his tears fall into her soft hair.

“What can I do to help?” Lyla asked, her eyes turning from the window to her husband.

“Someone needs to call Barry. And Laurel. She was supposed to clean up the foundry. God, I don't even know anymore."

Lyla rested a hand on her husband's arm. "It's okay. I'll call Barry and Laurel, make sure everything is taken care of. You worry about Felicity and Roy, okay?" And then she left, taking Sara with her, waiting until she was home to make the calls, Laurel first, because she knew the other woman, and it was easy to coordinate time to get together to clean up the foundry. And then she called Barry, the conversation lasting only a few minutes, but ending in Barry's promise to arrive soon.

She texted Johnny, telling him that the foundry was being taken care of and that Barry was on his way. And then she held her daughter close and prayed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Billy Joel's _Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)_  
>  Soundtrack can be found [here](http://open.spotify.com/user/1247874714/playlist/4YefxgU3bCBjduskXLKx9o)


	5. Silent between supplies and machines

Barry Allen was proud of being a hero. He was thrilled with being friends with the Arrow, with the Arsenal, with Felicity Smoak. He was happy with his life, for now.

But a phone call from Diggle’s wife would shatter that happiness.

Within minutes, he had told Caitlin and Cisco that he was leaving, and he had run, run faster than he ever had before. Felicity meant a lot to him. She was a friend, a sister, a partner. She was a confidante, and Barry didn’t know how this had happened.

He arrived at the Foundry the same time Lyla did, bursting past her into the dark, stopping at Felicity’s computers. They felt _wrong_ without her here controlling them. The whole space had felt off when Oliver died, but this? This was just… the scene from a nightmare.

Laurel hadn’t gotten there yet, and Barry could see the blood staining the floor, the footprints of Roy. He could see it, and it made him sick, knowing that his friend nearly died down here, had _wanted_ to die down here.

Lyla hadn’t even ventured into the Foundry, choosing to keep Sara out of it, and Barry was glad, children shouldn’t be in a place this tainted. He turned away from the sight, choosing instead to dress in the clothes he’d left behind, stored in a drawer near the mannequin meant for his uniform.

Not long after, he walked out of the Foundry, his eyes searching out the small brunette. “Lyla,” he called, waiting for her to turn around before continuing on. “Can you… can you drive me to the hospital?”

“Of course,” she agreed, motioning him to her car, putting Sara in her carseat. When Barry was belted in, she started driving, waiting for the younger man to start talking, because she knew he wanted to.

“Is she okay,” he asked, turning his wide, hopeful eyes to her.

“I don’t know,” Lyla answered, staring straight ahead, on the road. She didn’t have an answer, she didn’t know if Felicity was going to be okay. She didn’t know enough yet, to know if there was anything they could do. She just knew that the boys were all beating themselves up over the whole situation.

Barry nodded, turning to look out the window, trying to get his thoughts in order. The image of her blood congealing on the ground had scared him, made him realize just how bad this was. He knew, he knew exactly how much blood a person could lose before dying, and there was too much blood on that floor. He almost wanted to go back there, look at it like a crime scene, look at it without emotion, and try to figure out what happened.

But this wasn’t murder. This was his friend falling down the rabbit hole, and none of them noticing until it was too late. This was hoping that the bright Felicity, the shining happiness, would survive and live to babble another day.

Lyla parked the car, waiting for Barry to get out, and getting Sara out, before she locked the vehicle, and led the way to the hall where Felicity was.

They were greeted by pandemonium. Roy and Digg were off to the side, watching in horror at the sight unfolding within the room.

“What happened?”

Barry’s voice made the two men turn, and Digg walked over in a few steps, sweeping Sara and Lyla into his arms, leaving Roy to deal with explaining to Barry.

“She flat-lined, again. They think she’s got internal bleeding. Or something, I don’t know, but they sounded worried, and I heard something about OR,” the archer said, ignoring the tears that were falling down his cheeks.

Barry turned to the window, only catching a glimpse of Felicity between the masses of nurses and doctors in the room. “How did this happen? How did we miss all the signs?”

Roy shrugged, “I’ve been asking myself the same thing. Oliver said once, that when Sara died, he couldn’t grieve because if he did, then no one else could. And maybe…. Maybe that’s why we didn’t see Felicity. Because we were all wrapped up in our own hurt, our own grief, that Felicity was the only one holding us together, so we didn’t see it. We didn’t see her, and not a day will pass where I don’t blame myself for that.”

“Don’t,” Barry chided softly. “You know she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. And we have to… we have to believe that she’ll be okay. She has to be, she’s Felicity.”

Together, they stood as Felicity was wheeled from the room, to places unknown, to be left waiting for any fragment of news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Jenny Owen Youngs's _Here is a Heart_


	6. Every man needs his saviour

Donna Smoak was a strong woman. She’d raised her genius daughter on naught but tips and the measly wages of a cocktail waitress in Las Vegas. She’d supported her baby girl, even when that mean watching her daughter leave her life behind for an education at MIT.

And when she’d visited, not even a year ago, Donna knew there was something special about her girl and Oliver Queen. And then her daughter called, sobbing over the phone about Oliver being dead, and all Donna could think was _my poor girl_.

Landing in Starling City, she couldn’t help but feel sad. Last time she’d been here, in this position, she was excited to see her Felicity. But now, she was dressed in jeans and a tank top, none of her former glam surrounding her. She felt no reason to dress up, there was no armour to prevent the hurt.

Captain Lance had driven to the airport himself, dark circles under his eyes, as if it had been days since he slept last. And it had been days. Three long days of not knowing, three long days of looking for someone to hit, for someone to blame for this. Three days since he’d seen Felicity bleeding in Harper’s arms.

“Donna,” he greeted, his voice hoarse with the remnants of tears.

Donna tried to smile, she did, but it was more of a grimace. “Captain. Thank you…. Thank you for calling. And for picking me up.”

But they both knew she was thanking him for something else. She was thanking him for saving Felicity, for being Felicity’s friend, for so much more than just a phone call, Just as they both knew that Donna was going to go straight to the hospital, not wanting to waste another minute away from her baby girl.

“Donna,” Quentin began, “She’s…. she’s not doing so well. They took her back into surgery yesterday. I don’t know anything else, I was on duty, so I didn’t have enough time.”

Oh. Donna nodded, trying in vain to hide the tears forming in her eyes. “At least she’s alive, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Civil Twilight's _The Courage or the Fall_


	7. And I bleed when I fall down

For days, Felicity Smoak battled for her life, surrounded by her family and friends.

For days, non-believers prayed.

For days, the world stood on tiptoes as it awaited the fate of the brilliant IT girl.

For days, Starling City saw nothing of vigilantes or superheroes.

For days, Felicity Smoak slept.

Roy and Donna were with her most of the time, Donna having allowed the hospital to let Roy, Diggle, Barry, Lance, and Lyla sit in with Felicity. Diggle came in occasionally, forcing one or the other to go home, get some rest. Donna was staying with the Lances, choosing not to intrude on her daughter’s apartment.

Barry went back to Central City, but told them he’d run back as soon as Felicity woke up.

Each hand was held by a person, Donna holding her right hand, careful of the IVs in her hands and arms, and Roy holding her left hand, thumb brushing along her knuckles.

After three days, he spoke to Donna, his voice soft in the room. “She’s absolutely amazing. I don’t know how many times she’s saved my life.”

Donna smiled slightly, “I remember when she was little, before he father left, she’d always draw us pictures, they were just scribbles, but we put them all over the house. She loved drawing, until she found computers.”

Roy smiled, the tale of a younger Felicity painting her in a different light, and showing him more about the woman she’d become. “She loves you, you know. She doesn’t talk much about you, but she’s got pictures of you and her all over her apartment, and she was planning a trip to Vegas to see you.”

“I know. She was such a happy baby, until her dad left, and then she withdrew from me. She lost all her friends because she was afraid they were going to leave her just like daddy. And then she told me about Oliver, and Digg, and you, and I was so happy, because she’d finally found friends that she adored. And then Oliver…. And I knew something was wrong, I knew it, but I wanted to let her tell me in her own time. And then Captain Lance is calling me, and I should have come sooner, I should have called more or something. I’m her mother! I should have seen this coming.”

“This isn’t your fault,” he whispered, looking away from Felicity’s face to her mother. “She hid this from all of us. This was her choice, and all we can do is support her when she wakes up.”

Donna looked sad, “If she wakes up.”

But Roy shook his head. “She’s going to wake up. She’s strong.”

And when Donna left that night, he stayed, his hand clasping Felicity’s.  “You have to wake up, Blondie. You can’t leave us here. We need you.” And he leaned over, pressing his lips to the soft skin of her hand. “You have so many people who love you, so you have to wake up and love us back, okay?”

And Roy sits with her through the night, whispering stories of his own childhood to her, whispering fairy tales his mother had told him once upon a time.

Roy had almost dozed off, when Felicity’s fingers twitched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Christina Perri's _Human_


	8. INTERLUDE: Chase all the clouds from the sky

“Daddy?” The little girl bounced to her father, a sheet of simple printer paper in her hands. “I drew us!”

She handed over the paper, revealing the simple drawing of three blobs; one tall with yellow hair, one short with black hair, and another tall one with black hair. “It’s mommy, me, and you!” She exclaimed, pointing at the figures.

The father smiled, “It’s beautiful! We should put it on the fridge for mommy to see when she comes home!” Taking his daughter by the hand, he led them to the kitchen, taking a magnet from the side of the fridge and moving it to the front, putting the paper underneath so it was displayed.

And then he opened the door, reaching in to pull out the jug of milk, setting it on the counter before reaching into the cupboard for two cups. “How about we have a little snack, hmm?” With a grin, he reached into the top shelf of the cupboard, pulling out a package of cookies.

The girl grinned, “Cookies and milk!”

And together, they sat in the kitchen, eating their spoils. “Are you excited for preschool tomorrow?” The father asked, setting his cookie down.

The girl nodded, a smile overtaking her face, her bright eyes getting even brighter. “I’m excited! I can’t wait! I’m gonna draw you and mommy lots a pictures, okay?”

He smiled, nodding. “We’ll put them all up,” he promised.

She nodded, her expression serious. “You can mommy have to take me, okay?”

“I promise, Felicity.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Kenny Loggins & Jim Messina's _House at Pooh Corner_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!
> 
> The work title is from Coldplay's _Fix You_  
>  The chapter one title is from Imagine Dragon's _Bleeding Out_  
>  The fic soundtrack can be found [here](http://open.spotify.com/user/1247874714/playlist/4YefxgU3bCBjduskXLKx9o)
> 
> My friend Cait and I actually came up with the premise, and roleplayed out some of it, but I'm expanding on it, and fleshing it out.
> 
> Please, leave kudos or comments, I'd love to hear them!!!


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